I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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