i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
