Farmville is her only friend.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
