If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
