I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
