So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
