drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I love having hate sex.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
