Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
