I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Is it penis luge time yet?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
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