i just had sex bonerless
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
