Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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