I got chris browned last night
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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