I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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