I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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