note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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