party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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