I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
