Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
