my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
