drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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