he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
