i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
