If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
