Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
