I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
