His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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