my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
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