just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
