we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
