You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I lost the right to judge tonight
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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