Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
