I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Randomize
