Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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