There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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