Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
