This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
this beer tastes like vomit already
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
