I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
