I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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