I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
