Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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