I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
