Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
