i'm lost and i look like a hooker
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
