I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
