He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I've blown a few things in my day
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
