Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
