it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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