I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize