but the lizard people decide everything anyway
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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