i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
