like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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