I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
