Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I didn't notice because vodka
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
